Oh, life: A short overview of the later half of the year

So, it's been forever since I've updated this blog, and there has been SO MUCH that has happened. Let's start taking an overview, starting with the summer, back when I was at my grandparents.

So, this summer in July I went to Arkansas for three weeks with my sister to help out my grandparents by cleaning for them, doing laundry, ironing, things like that. We spent a few days with our cousins as well, which was loads of fun. It amazed me just how girly my cousins are compared to my sister and me. They are BOY-CRAZY, love to shop, and are just...so girly! It really amazes me greatly.

Then my grandmother introduced my sister and me to two local boys, Levi and Michael. To make things short, they both decided that they liked me and decided to chase me. Whoo boy!

This year I was also thrown into the world of Stage Managing! Oh man that's a lot of work. I really do enjoy it, though. I enjoy it quite a bit. Perhaps I've found my calling in theater?

Because of the stage management I've started making friends in the theater department too. Not too many, but a few. That's a start at the very least. People know my name now, so perhaps I'll be able to get more work as a stage manager.

Also now am in Arkansas visiting my grandparents for the holidays, though I leave tomorrow to return home. I've been spending quite a bit of time with Levi. He says he loves me very very much, so much that he would marry me tomorrow if I would let him. I care quite a bit for Levi, but he lives here in Arkansas and I don't. I've got to at least finish school, and honestly I can't see myself as a housewife to a farmer...but who knows what the future will hold down the road, right?

Anyway, that's an extremely short overview. Blarg!

Maybe I should look into counseling

So, while I was in Arkansas (I'll fill my readers in on what happened in a later post), I met three young men, all of which I kind of personally connected to. You know how you meet people and there's just that sort of connection that's almost instantly there? That pretty much happened with all three of these guys. Anyway, one guy I friended on facebook and I've been talking to him over it, the other two I talked to quite a bit over the last week I was there through face-to-face contact and texting.

All three of these guys have told me things that they say they don't normally tell people. Personal things. I'm not wanting to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this has happened a lot to me and my sister. People who need to talk about things going on in their lives tend to gravitate towards us, and they feel safe enough to tell us what's going on, even if they don't know us real well yet. It's happened so many times that I wonder if maybe I should look into counseling instead of theater. It makes one wonder, really.

What do people see in me that makes them feel so comfortable? Whatever it is, it's a good thing. Still, if anyone could enlighten me on it, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Hello out there

So things have been going alright here since the lost wallet incident. While visiting my grandparents, they have been spoiling me as much as we'll let them (which is slightly awkward at times) and Nicole and I have managed to get some cleaning done. Not as much I or our mother would have liked, but some. The fridge and microwave were no easy tasks! (I would point to one of them and say "Especially that one!" but both of them REALLY NEEDED CLEANING.) Grandpa's finally fixed the vacuum cleaner, so maybe we'll be able to get some vacuuming done? Of course, as soon as we announce our intention to clean anything Grandma goes in and tries to sneakily get it done before we can touch it. (Not well enough, unfortunately. That's ok, though, since we were sent to do some cleaning anyway.)

Nicole is behind you!

What makes people like summer, anyway?

You know, I never did like summer vacation, or even winter break. While I already didn't fit in with my peers in the regular K-12 education system, I felt even more separate from everyone else when breaks were approaching because everyone except me was getting excited. If anything I tended to dread the coming break. My life revolved around school, and every activity (except church) had something to do with it, so during the breaks, suddenly I had nothing to do and no one to see. Everyone had their summer plans for fun things, but I never had anything to do. My family may or may not spend a week or two visiting grandparents, but there were still weeks of summer to try to fill with...something. Anything.

High school summers were better because I was a member of the marching band and that took up most of the summer. It was lovely because the band was good, so I could be proud of being part of it and what we were doing. Band was one of the best things in high school, and I'm sure that it helped keep me alive through high school, including the summers.

The summers now that I'm in college are rather...bad...*sigh*

Old Poems and Old Memories

So, I found a notebook floating around here that had some poems that I wrote in high school, as well as one or two that I tried to write but couldn't get to finish how I wanted them to. Aside from an experiment with haiku, all of them were rather dark. Looking back on my memories of high school after reading my old poems, it's nice to see that my dark moments didn't start recently (so in one way they're almost normal). The other side, of course, is that I was a very unhappy person growing up, which is kind of sad, really. I know that I absolutely hated high school and the years before it because I was so bored, but it appears I had emotional problems then too. I suppose it's just food for thought.

Head over to the Krystaline Star blog if you want to read the poems in question. I left out the poem that wasn't finished, so if you want that one in there as well, you'll have to ask for it. You can probably get to my blog by going through my profile...so...good luck!

Tony Stark vs Justin Hammer

I went to go see Iron Man 2 a few days ago with a couple of friends. Because I am a Theatre major and have been analyzing films and plays for a little bit my friends asked me after the movie why the audience connects with and likes the main character Tony Stark (Ironman!) and not with another character named Justin Hammer. I have been thinking about it for a long time and also talked with my parents about this (when I was feeling more awake, you see).

Be warned, there will probably be a few spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie, I suggest you go see it first. :)

As my friends pointed out, the characters of Stark and Hammer were very similar in personality. Both of them are narcissists, both are the owners and CEOs of weapons manufacturers, and both of them are not very respectful of people around them. They even both danced right before their speeches at the Expo (earning groans from me during both instances). In truth, I didn't like either one of their characters, though I liked Stark better than Hammer.

As similar as these two characters are, the reasons the audience likes Stark better than Hammer is because of the differences between the two characters. Mostly in the difference of motives and tactics to get what they want. Stark is a brilliant man who builds off of his father's work to make bigger and better things, and he is the one to make the discoveries of the arc reactor, the iron man suit, and the *spoiler* new element of super-power-ness. He did the work himself.

Hammer, on the other hand, tried to get the work done himself (incompetently, of course), but also he *more spoilers* went through great lengths to spring Ivan out of jail (killing a man in the process and exploding part of the jail), and tried to force him to build iron man suits for him. When things weren't going as he had hoped he started to treat Ivan more and more like a prisoner. This instance was just one of many that showed just how petty Hammer is. Hammer, throughout the whole movie, was just trying to upstage Stark, show him up, even going to criminal lengths to do so.

Mostly it was seeing just how petty Hammer was, I think, that would lead the audience to put Hammer in the "despicable character" box.

Must begin writing once more

To as I sit here on my laptop, I try to consider all the things that I could be doing at this point. Due to problems with my computer running certain videogames I have been shut out of one of my favorite pastimes. My boyfriend lies sleeping on the couch next to me as he works on recovering from an illness that has been plaguing him for a few days now. I feel compulsions to crochet, and yet the words of one of my friends rings in my ears.

"You must write so well, I really want to read something that you've written."

Guilt assaults my conscience! Though I love stories and love telling stories, I have yet to actually write anything. In fact, the last time I tried to write any of the story ideas in my head was back when I was in Jr. High. That was years ago!

So, therefore, I must begin writing again so that my friend will be able to read something of mine.

I suppose I should start where many good stories begin: the realm of dreams. Where else does great inspiration spring from?

Things that freak me out

I wasn't sure if this post should go on the Moon blog or not, but I decided that I wasn't exactly whining in despair about this subject. Mostly just talking about it. So I suppose this goes here?

There's a long list of things that freak me out, filled with many things ranging from spiders to blood, but one thing I've noticed that REALLY jars me is dystopias. You know the kind. They are promised to be an area of paradise and opportunity, where people can go and be safe, and you may in fact be safe from whatever you were running from, but there is a different danger and...wrongness...there...

You start to talk about what's wrong outside of this "utopia" and you're silenced. You challenge the norm in any way and you're pressured, or at worst, forced to comply. You try to leave and they force you to stay, stating that they are doing so for your own safety. And if all that doesn't work, they violate your very mind just so that you won't be a problem to their "perfect" society any longer.

Many shows and books use these dystopias, and for me they do achieve their intended effect (I start freaking out because of the overwhelming sense of wrongness), but...sometimes I feel like I'm jarred more by these than others around me (I usually stop watching the show or reading the book because I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I don't think that the authors were intending that). It just strikes at my core. It's...WRONG...

The worst part in my opinion is the violation of someone's mind. Changing and controlling the very way they think to enforce they way they should act, and they'll even feel like you've done the right thing because that's the way you want them to feel! That very act is imprisoning that person without their knowledge or consent. They don't even have a way to fight it! There's no freedom, no choice, no way to think for yourself because your mind has been tampered with!

It...freaks me out. A lot.

So...catching up

School has started, and while it does has the downs of having to do homework (and try to read stuff I can't understand very well), it's wonderful to actually be doing things again and things of that nature. I feel...almost useful again...if that makes any sense.

Also! Nil has returned for this semester! Yay! (The 24 hours before he arrived I basically had to repress the urge to dance everywhere singing, "He's coming back again! Yay!"

I got to meet him at the bus stop! I got there just as the bus was pulling up to the curb, so I got to do a little bit of the "running through the wheat fields" bit to tacklehug Nil. I did manage to not plow him over, which is fantastic. ^_^

Moving back home!

So...yeah, I'm moving back to campus tomorrow, which makes me very happy. As much as I love my family, I go slightly crazy during the breaks because I don't have anything to do. I'm just ready for the semester to start again. (Not to mention, but I'll get to see my dear Nil when he flies back on Monday. Yay!)

Resolutions and Promises to Myself

So...It's very much New Year Resolution time...or rather Belated New Year Resolution time since it's a few days past. Normally I don't like to make them, for the very common and reasonable excuse that I will never actually DO said resolutions. Why set myself up for disappointment? (I can hear lots of people saying, "Yeah, right with you. I know so many others who say the same thing!")

This year there are a few things that I would like to see changed about myself, though.

No, it's not my weight. Somehow I've been losing the poundage that has been with me since Jr. High rather steadily since the beginning of last summer, and as long as it continues at this rate I'll be happy (you know, as long as I don't become a coat hanger girl).

I do have the dream of being organized...of course, I don't think that will actually happen, but I'd like to be less of a mess than I have been this past year. At the very least I can have a sensible routine where I spend more hours in the daylight than in the darkness? Not to mention keep my room somewhat clean!

Then...I guess I want to write more. Try to make more ideas and such rather than just keeping boredom at bay with videogames (though I do love videogames). Maybe I could actually write the stories that keep beginning in my head.

Beyond that, there is one more thing I'd like to do.

This may sound kind of sappy or make you roll your eyes...but I'd like to study the Bible more. Read it, study it, write about it to share my thoughts with others, that kind of thing. That's what the idea was when I started my Clear Water Reflections blog...though that idea didn't really get anywhere. I think I posted once when I started it and then didn't post again...ever. It really saddens me, and I'd like to change that. I guess I'll try to start working on that a bit while I'm at home and away from college. We'll see how that goes, but I hope that I can actually start writing stuff there. It'd be nice to be able to do that! At the very least, if no one else reads that blog I can keep my thoughts straight...use it as a reminder for myself of where I've been, where I'm going, and who is really important in my life.