The short version of how I have felt for the past 24 hours: worthless, useless, and helpless, and I hate myself.
Here's the longer version. I just feel so worthless, like I'm here to be used by other people to feel better about themselves, and then I can be tossed aside and trampled on when something better comes along. All I am is something to be drained. Who I am is not enough. No one cares. No one sees me as valuable enough to pursue, nor worthy enough to stay with.
I'm useless, because I can't do anything right. What I can do isn't enough.
I'm helpless because I can't help the people I care about. I sense their need and hear the pain in their voices, but I can't do anything to help them. If anything I make things worse.
Why am I here? What is the point?
The conclusion I came to long ago was that there was no point.
ReplyDeleteI have since come to live with that, and simply be, and simply do.
Nil is insane. Don't listen to him. He'll just depress you more. :P
ReplyDeleteIf you go with determinism, there really isn't a point, though I suppose that's arguable. Given faith, though, I think you'll find purpose much more easily.
You don't have to be perfect. I hope I'm not one of those who you feel is using you. I may not want to talk to you all the time, but that's not you specifically. That's me, strange and crazy and occasionally needing to take time away from all people.
I'm going to vote for the moving to Cali option. :P