Yeah...so lately I've just felt like I've been slowly falling apart. Most of my friends could probably tell something's off about me, but I've only really talked to three people. I was chatting with one of them tonight, and...now I wonder, am I constantly talking to these three people for selfish reasons? I struggle with the same problems over and over, and I try to reach out to my friends for help. I want to know that they care. That they think I'm not going insane. That I make some sense. I want somewhere safe to empty myself and arms wrapped around me to hold me before I collapse.
I suppose I ask too much of my friends. I don't know what to do now. Do I stop reaching out and try to bury everything again? I don't know...
It's gotten to the point that all I can do is cry. Is this what heartbreak is like? Despair? Hopelessness?
Oi! I care. And even though I'm not physically there, you're welcome to dump all your emotional scat on me. A problem shared is a problem halved, well, it's true.
ReplyDeleteDon't hide it all inside. It makes you feel so much more isolated. Your friends may be fat away, but that doesn't mean that we're not friends. Perhaps not the best of friends (I know I'm slow at responding a lot, and it actually has nothing to do with talking to Nil except when it's voice chat, so don't feel left out in THAT regard; I'm just a bit on the spacey side...), but we do still care.
So hrmph.
You're going through depression. It has to be talked about. Feelings of despair and hopelessness and not being cared for are symptoms of your depression. It's normal and you're not going insane. Really. You may feel like it sometimes but you're not. You just need love and support and time.
And you know my phone number and you know that anything you want to talk about, any time, you can call me. I may not pick up if I'm in class or work or asleep, but I will get back, because I care. *hugs* Never stop reaching out, because you will always find somebody.
I do not deserve such a friend as you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThank you, Edelweiss.
You're more than welcome. Friends support each other. It's just what we do.
ReplyDelete