It doesn't matter.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself. The schoolwork, the stress, the worries, the feelings of being desperately alone and unworthy of love.
It doesn't matter.
Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll eventually believe it, and if I believe it, maybe the pain will go away. That's all I want now. The pain to go away.
*sigh*
I told one of my friends last night that I was not broken and did not need his fixing, but that was a lie as well. I am broken. But he is not the one who can fix me. Really no human being has that ability, including myself. Believe me, I've tried, for many years I've tried. But everything comes apart again, but breaking off even more with it, so the pain becomes greater each time. Do I just ignore it? No, that's something I can't do, no matter how much I lie to myself...but I keep trying...
It doesn't mater...
Stop telling it to go away and accept that it exists. Lying doesn't accomplish anything.
ReplyDeleteBut I want you to start seeing a counselor on a regular basis if you can.
And remember that I know some of what you're going through and can help.